Hell Of A Town  Summer Of Klaine Series Part 4
by Burntsugrr
Summary: Kurt goes to visit his grandmother in NY until school starts. Rating will be mostly for themes that we may explore don't expect much smut here.  We're saving that up for part 5
1. Chapter 1

It made no difference what he did, Kurt couldn't settle himself. He tried watching Tabatha's Salon Takeover on the TV in front of his seat but even watching her rip into some poor misguided soul wasn't distracting enough. He was ready to land and start his New York Adventure.

He wished he could turn on his phone. Matthew let Blaine send him an email after Kurt left and it was… the word steamy came to mind. It was also sweet and romantic but Kurt was used to that from Blaine. Steamy was new, and it was an excellent addition to his communication skills.

He tried to drift off to sleep and make time pass but instead of resting his mind played images like a drive in movie. Blaine in the moonlight, sweat beading from his sideburns down his stubble lined cheek, and just behind his jaw line to his neck, his hazel eyes heavily lidded and lips parted ever so slightly, just enough for Kurt to add his own bottom lip between them. He was certain his fellow passengers on the plane knew what he was thinking by the smile that crept across his face every time he closed his eyes and so he abandoned sleep as an option.

The flight was mercifully short so soon he could see the ground and watched with an anticipatory knot in his stomach as the buildings got taller and the city became clear around him.

In the airport he went directly to the luggage claim area, his grandmother had given him the address for her apartment and his father had given him money. There would be no sweeping into waiting arms for him, his grandmother had a mahjong game this morning and her grandson was expected to find his own way. She would collect him for lunch. Collect him. Those were her words. He felt like a stamp.

This was Kurt's first time traveling alone and he held his own finding baggage claim but was nervous watching the carousel go by. What if he didn't recognize his bag right away, what if there were two alike and he grabbed the wrong one. Oh, and that one might belong to some international terrorist or murderer on the lam and he'd be hunted by them…okay, maybe time to watch fewer late night movies and just grab the bag with his Louis V name tag and go.

He got into a cab and turned on his phone, immediately pulling up Blaine's email. Rereading it gave him a sense of having Blaine there with him, feeling less alone. He wanted to respond but thought he should wait until later tonight when he had something to share about his first day in NY. It would be difficult to resist the temptation to flood Mathew's phone with messages for Blaine.

He watched the buildings go by, trying to memorize his way but losing himself quickly. Everything looked the same and yet different. There's Pinkberry, okay, he can remember that because he wanted to try one when he was here for Nationals but didn't end up getting a chance so okay, that's on this block and there's a cute little bodega next to it and a Starbucks and okay, a gun shop and Duane Reade. Two blocks later there was another Pinkberry and a cupcake place that made him think of Blaine and his constant desire for baked goods. He'd bake extra for him when he got home; maybe even pick up some new ideas here in the city. Three blocks later he realized he had no hope of getting his bearings on this cab ride.

He paid his driver and dragged his bag to his grandmother's building. The doorman opened the door and took his bag, "Mr. Hummel?"

"Uh, ye..yes. Thanks." How did he know? Did Kurt really look that much like a hick?

"Your Grandmother said we should expect you. There's a striking family resemblance. Right this way." They got on an elevator with a gate you pulled shut, it seemed elegant and very "Big City"

The doorman opened the door then handed him the key to the apartment. "I hope you enjoy your stay with us. If you need anything let me know."

Kurt didn't know if he was supposed to tip him but he was gone quickly so he just shouted "thank you" down the hall and shut the door behind him.

His grandmother's place was nicely furnished. She had style, he'd give her that. She'd left him a note telling him which room was his, to make himself at home and to be sure and call Burt to let him know he'd arrived safely. The room was elegantly masculine, making Kurt wonder who she had decorated for in the first place. He dialed Burt on his cell while he hung his clothes. They spoke briefly, then Kurt promised to call the next day and got off the phone. The only voice he really wanted to hear was Blaine's and then it occurred to him, how could he have been so stupid? He had been able to visit as Thad, why not call as him? He searched the number for the hospital on his phone and dialed with shaking hands.

The receptionist answered and he asked, "Can I speak to Blaine Anderson please?"

"I'll have to check and see if we have a Blaine Anderson listed. Who is calling?"

"Thad Harwood"

"Hold please." The hold was long and Kurt was questioning the sanity of the call more by the moment but then…

"Hello?" Blaine's voice.

Kurt sat on the bed and closed his eyes. It hadn't even been 24 hours but he already missed his boyfriend so hard it hurt. "Hi."

"Honey, are you okay?"

"Careful, this could be monitored. I'm fine. I just arrived in NY. It occurred to me that if they let me visit, they'd let me call."

He could hear the smile in Blaine's voice, "You're a genius. How was your flight?"

"Not such a genius could have thought of this ages ago. Flight was fine. Got an interesting email from a mutual friend last night."

"Yeah? Anything good in it?"

"Some stuff that made me want to stay home."

"Must have been really interesting to make you want to give up a trip to New York."

"I wish I knew if we were being listened to right now. So much I can't say. Anyway, I was going to email this friend back but then I was wondering if that was maybe a little, weird, because…"

"Because what if someone else were to see the email first?"

"Yeah. I'm not really into more than just this one special person hearing the things I might want to say."

"Well, if it helps, the person who happens to share our friend's email account is pretty respectful and probably wouldn't open anything that came from you unless you put his name in the subject line."

"Hmm, I'll have to take that into consideration. I may have to send off a proper response later."

"I bet someone out there is looking forward to that response like his life depends on it."

"You'd love New York."

"I'd love to be in New York right now."

"New York would love it if you were in New York right now."

"Killing me. Just, so you know."

"First day of school, stay focused."

"If I were any more focused on the first day of school I'd explode."

They were both quiet for a few minutes.

"Thank you for visiting last night." Blaine's voice had gone quiet and serious.

"How could I not? I…damn I hate this."

"Me too. The only time I feel right is when I hear your voice, or see you. I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to feel normal again."

Those words scared Kurt to his core. This was the sort of thing he'd been afraid of since the first moment Blaine had disappeared from his life. "Blaine…oh this is so frustrating, screw it, listen, I love you, there's nothing wrong with you, NOTHING. We just have to be patient okay Baby? You're one of the strongest people I know, you're smart and self confident and you gave me the courage to face things I didn't think I could. You're kind and loving and everything about you is beautiful. Please don't give in to all of this; please keep focusing on our future. I'm going to figure things out here, do you realize by this time next year we could be living here? Together? With no one trying to separate us? We could be waking up next to each other every single day?"

"I love you. I'm sorry I haven't been the same guy for awhile, I feel like I let you down."

"Stop. Please stop. It scares me when you say those things."

"I lean on you too much. I was supposed to be strong for you and now I'm a mess and I wouldn't even blame you if you found some amazing guy in New York and…"

"We lean on each other, and I'll tell you every day, there's no other guy, there's you, just you, forever you. Maybe you fall in love every other week but for me it's once and it's real and it's you, Blaine." There were tears on his cheeks now. He tried to not think about the fact that Blaine had said he was in love with Jeremiah on Valentine's Day but now he couldn't help himself.

"Kurt what are you talking about, I've never been in love before I met you. You're all I want." He was breaking; his voice was catching in his throat.

"On Valentine's Day you said…"

"On Valentine's Day I was an idiot. I was in love with the thought of finally finding someone who I could share things with, not realizing I was already sharing some of the best parts of my life with you. You were ahead of me then, you're in better shape than me now. I was trying to be a mentor for you, show you how to be strong and go for someone you liked and there you were, already understanding that we were building a relationship and I was too stupid to see it."

"Honey, are you okay? I mean, really okay? I think I'm coming home."

"No, this is a great opportunity for you. I'm just rambling, I can't say these things to anyone but you, but I'm not trying to lay a bunch of stuff on you when you're supposed to be enjoying yourself. I suck as a boyfriend. I didn't even ask how your grandmother is, what's she like? Baby, don't worry about me, I'm okay, it's just a hard day, Mom and Dad are coming to visit later."

"I haven't seen my grandmother yet, she's not here. I just got here, called Dad, called you. You can say anything to me, any time, and you don't suck, well…you're a fantastic boyfriend. I love that you can be honest with me, and please don't stop telling me how you feel. I just want you to see yourself the way I see you. It's okay, y'know, to not be my mentor, to just be my boyfriend, it's easier for me when there's give and take between us instead of feeling like I'm running to catch up to you. Did your parents say why they're coming?"

"No, they don't tell me, my therapist said they would be here later today, asked how I felt about it and if I wanted him to be with me when they were here."

"What did you say?"

"I said I did, I feel like my dad won't say the things he says to me in front of a therapist. I don't want to hear his bullshit right now. He asked if I wanted to try to talk to them about you with him there to mediate."

"Do you?" Kurt held his breath.

"Yeah."

"It's a risk. I want you to get things out with them, to have a healthy relationship with them, but if they work out that the doctor is on your side they might just pull you out of there and put you somewhere I can't find you again."

"I mentioned that to Matthew. He said if they do pull me out they'll have to give me time to pack and if it comes down to it he'll hide his phone in my bag so I can tell you where I am and you can tell him."

"We owe him so much. I just heard my grandmother come in. Do you think they'll get mad if I try to call you tonight?"

"Call Matthew after midnight, he'll give me h is phone."

"I love you. Please just stay focused on that. You're so much more than you feel like you are right now. Don't let them get to you today, no matter what they say, okay, can you promise me?"

"Tell me one more time."

"I love you, Blaine. I'd give anything to have you here with me right now."

"I'll be fine. Call me tonight. I love you."

They disconnected and Kurt turned to find his grandmother hovering in his open door.

"Boyfriend in some kind of trouble?"

Well that's one awkward conversation he wouldn't have to have. "Sort of, his parents are have a tough time with our relationship."

His grandmother entered the room and cupped the back of his neck, noticing the red eyes and tear stained cheeks. "You love him?"

"More than anything."

"He's good to you?"

"Better than I could ever explain."

"His parents will come around, or they won't, but as long as you love one another and respect one another there will be a place for you. You're grown now, or nearly there, the hurt from them not accepting him will always be in his heart, but you have to make sure your love is louder than their disapproval."

All he could do was thank her, and then the tears came. Because he had so much luck with his family and Blaine had so little, and because he had been so worried about having the conversation about being gay with his grandmother knowing she was from another time. But mostly because this was like having h is mother's approval, like she was here, sitting next to him on the bed and pulling him into her arms instead of his grandmother. Then his grandmother said words he needed to hear more than anything, "Your father told me some of the things you've been through this year and I couldn't help but think how like your mother you are. You make me so proud and your mother would be so proud of you Kurt. Not would be, is. She's somewhere right now wanting me to tell you how much she loves you and how proud she is of you and how she wants you to fight for everything that you believe. That's part of why I brought you here. I want you to know who she was growing up, and maybe draw some strength from the parts of her that live in you."


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt's grandmother had given him a little time to pull himself together then the two of them set out for lunch. She asked if there was anywhere special he wanted to go but he agreed to bow to her wisdom.

They went to Aureole, a bright and obviously expensive restaurant in the Theater District. The maitre d greeted his grandmother by name and showed her to her 'favorite table', a quiet corner booth away from the bar area. She ordered the summer squash soup to be followed by the pink snapper. It took Kurt less than a minute with the menu to choose grilled octopus and lobster salad. The waiter thanked them and disappeared leaving his grandmother considering him for a few minutes. "So tell me what your plans are after senior year?"

"This. New York. Blaine and I want to move here and go to college."

"Have you thought about schools?" She sipped her drink.

"We're talking about Julliard but I want to look into fashion journalism too."

"Julliard."

"Long term I think Blaine belongs on Broadway. I haven't decided."

She considered his outfit, "What about design?"

He perked up, "You think? I'd love that but I don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"It seems like such a long shot."

"Unlike Broadway."

"Blaine can do anything. I wish he was here. You'd love him, he's sweet and caring and you should hear him sing. The world pretty much stops when he starts to sing."

"I'd love to meet him. He certainly would have been welcome to join you if I had thought your father would approve."

"His parents don't even let us speak. He's in a mental hospital because his father convinced them I…doesn't matter, the point is he was in a car accident and everything started to fall apart after that. His parents have forbidden us from seeing each other. They don't know that I know where he is, neither does my father. I hate lying to him but he thinks, well, he thinks we're too close but he doesn't understand how much we need each other."

"First Burt knows very well that you've been sneaking off to see Blaine. He told me he thought Blaine needed your support right now more than he needed to make a point. He's hurt that you didn't tell him, so you might want to correct that, but that's between you and your father and I won't interfere. I don't completely understand how a car accident would land him in a mental hospital, was there head trauma?"

Kurt felt his face flush. "No, no head trauma. His father is," he paused, "not okay with him being gay. He told them that I was pressuring him, brain washing him. To their credit the hospital saw through it. They're going to talk to his parents with him today to try to help them all deal with it. I just wish his father didn't make him feel so much like there's something wrong with him. He was always so sure of himself and now it's like there's something broken in him. We don't ever talk about that night, what happened, he won't discuss it even with me but the guy who hit him, he was drunk, and he smashed into Blaine and pushed him over an embankment and kept on going. A little further down the road he hit another car head on and killed a mother and son. The kid was from Blaine's school, a freshman. His dad was devastated and Blaine's father..." Kurt's eyes were welled with tears of rage, "His father told him the wrong boy died that night. If there's anything he needs to be dealing with in that place it's that. It's feeling guilty for living and feeling like his family would rather he be dead than in love with a boy."

"What of the man who hit him?"

"Died on the operating table, and I'm relieved because I'm not sure I could go on knowing he was out there. It's hard enough every day to not go after Mr. Anderson, but it isn't worth it. It's just another year and we can live our own way." Kurt looked at his grandmother for the first time since he started speaking. He hadn't talked about the last part with anyone since it happened. Blaine didn't know he'd overheard the conversation with his father and Kurt kept waiting for him to bring it up. He'd spent so much time since that day plotting the second Blaine turned 18 and could get away. He would love Blaine so hard he'd forget he'd ever felt anything but surrounded by love.

His grandmother took his hand across the table. "I'm sorry. It's so much for a young person to go through, for both of you to go through. What does Blaine's mother say?"

"She's, Blaine's father broke her a long time ago. It's not my story to tell."

The waiter set down their appetizers, his smile lingering on Kurt just a touch longer than necessary. It wasn't lost on his grandmother but Kurt remained oblivious "Tell me why you love this boy."

He pulled his phone out of his pocked and found a picture of Blaine, turning it to his grandmother. "This is a good start. He's the best looking boy I've ever seen, even if he's half my height."

"Very handsome, but that's not love. That's lust."

"Grandmother!"

"Oh, sorry, shall we pretend I don't know teenage boys are lusty?"

"Yes please."

She sighed, "Carry on then, why else?"

He listed some of Blaine's more obvious attributes: supportive, caring, kind, intelligent, funny, and sarcastic, into many of the same things Kurt was and yes, an amazing kisser. "But it's more than that, it's all these things that there aren't words for. The way he looks at me, the way I feel when I'm with him, the way I know I can trust him with anything. I've never been very good at being vulnerable before him, but there's nothing I can't say, or do when I'm with him. He believes in me, he shares things with me that cut so deep for him he hasn't even admitted them to himself fully. We just, belong."

His grandmother excused herself to the ladies room and Kurt picked at his food and absently flicked through the photos of Blaine on his phone setting on the table. The waiter returned to top off his water, "Oh, handsome boy alert, is he yours?" He grabbed the phone up and leered at the image on the screen.

"Yes, he is." Kurt reached up to take the phone back.

"Yummy. Bring him with you next time."

"Yeah, I'll get on that."

When she returned from the ladies room Kurt's grandmother's eyes were red, she'd gone there to cry, and Kurt wondered if it was that she didn't want the waiter to see her, or if she didn't want him to see her.

The remainder of the conversation was light hearted. Kurt changed the subject himself, asking about the décor of his room and learning his grandmother had chosen with him in mind, hoping he'd spend his summers in New York while in college, not realizing his plans to move there. "I don't know if you and Blaine had planned on living together here, if not you can live with me if you like while you're in school."

"But we can't both stay with you?"

"Not that I'd mind, I just think two young men in love would want more privacy than living with your Gran might offer. "

This made Kurt smile which lightened his grandmother's heart. She took her cue from him and asked what shows he wanted to see while in town and what else he might like to do.

They walked to Eataly for gelato after lunch and sat across the street outside watching the city go by. Kurt released a contented sigh, "I love it here, it feels more like home than Lima ever has."

"Your mother loved it here too. She used to come in December every year and Christmas shop, see all the Broadway shows she could, dance in all the nightclubs. I hated her running around in those clubs it seemed so terribly seedy but she'd just roll her eyes, add another layer of mascara and race out the door."

"Did she ever think about leaving Lima?"

"For a little while, she moved here, worked as a secretary, they still called them secretaries then, but she missed your father so much and he hated the city. Ultimately she went back for him."

"Do you think she ever resented us for missing out on what she wanted?"

"Never. I'd ask her all the time if she missed the city and she'd tell me she had everything she needed when she looked in your father's eyes. Then you came along and she was overjoyed. You lit her up from the inside out. She be scrapping with her sister or huffing at the mailman, she had a short fuse sometimes, but then you'd make some little baby noise and her attention would turn to you and she'd melt."

"I wish I remembered her more. I remember weird pieces of things. When we were moving to the bigger house so Finn and I could have our own rooms we went through all these boxes in the attic. I found one full of her old purses and there was this little atomizer in it, the perfume should have gone to alcohol ages ago, it should have smelled rancid, but I sprayed it anyway and it was like having her right there in the room." He swallowed hard.

"When you were a tiny thing I would babysit you while your mom and dad went to the movies, she was always dragging him to the old black and white movies they'd show on Monday nights downtown. You'd cry and cry when they left but I'd spray that perfume and you'd settle right down and sleep."

"I know Dad would move mountains for me but Mom was my safety net. There was never judgment, she never had to try, she just, loved me. I didn't feel that way for 8 years."

"Meaning you do now?"

He smiled a little sadly, "Blaine."


	3. Chapter 3

The day was filled with shopping, the night with more great food then home to watch old home movies with his grandmother. Kurt had such a good day in New York he almost forgot what Blaine was going through back at home. Almost. There were moments he forgot entirely but then he'd start to think about how much Blaine would love this and the guilt would crash in on him. He got two texts during the day and both times hoped it would be Blaine but they were both Rachel wanting to know if he was having an amazing time.

Ten minutes before midnight came he called Matthew's phone, his heart sinking when he heard Matt's voice at the other end.

"Hey Kurt."

"Hey Matthew. Um, is Blaine, around?" Kurt stammered. He didn't know what to say, Matthew was a good guy, someone he and Blaine would always owe but his was not the voice he wanted to hear right now.

Kurt's phone beeped signaling another call was coming in but he ignored it, no matter who it was they weren't as important as Blaine.

"No, is that your phone? You should get that."

"NO? Where is he? Do you know?" he hated how high his voice got when he was upset.

"Yeah, so will you if you answer your other line, he's calling you."

"Oh, shit. I sent it to voice mail. Is he okay?"

"Remains to be seen my friend, but he's been moved. I'm willing to bet that's him trying to get you. You better go so he can call you back. Call me if you need anything, either of you."

"Thank you, so much." And Kurt disconnected. The number from his missed call just rang and rang, no answer so he punched the code to listen to his voice mail. Just a hang up, Blaine hadn't said a word, if it was Blaine.

The phone buzzed in his hand and he hit answer immediately.

"Hello?"

"You sent me to voice mail." Blaine sounded amused.

"I didn't know, I was talking to Matthew trying to get to you. What happened?"

"They kicked me out for having sex with my boyfriend on the lawn."

Kurt blinked about 50 times at the phone, "What?"

"I'm kidding."

"Blaine, seriously? I've been so worried and you're joking around?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. How's your grandmother?"

"Blaine Anderson I'm going to hang up on you if you don't tell me what the hell is going on."

"You're cute when you're all wound up. I bet you have your tongue stuck out right now."

"Shut up." But the smile was in his voice, he was giving in. He missed Blaine's teasing, it had been so long.

"If I were there I'd put that tongue to better use."

"Really? You want to have phone sex? I don't even know where you are. Please stop this and tell me what happened."

"If I do can we have phone sex?"

"NO!"

"Then I'm not telling."

"What the hell has gotten into you tonight?"

"Not you, which is really too bad. Plenty of Percocet though."

"Ah, you're high. Well that's lovely."

"Not high, medicated. They moved me to a physical therapy rehab. Got my cast off."

"Really?"

Blaine laughed, "You told me to get rid of it before you got home."

"So I did. Was it awful?"

"My leg looks like raw hamburger, it's disgusting, and smells so gross."

"Too much information."

"Thought we went beyond that when I was peeing into a bottle and handing it to you."

"I'd rather have phone sex than this conversation."

"What are you wearing?"

Deadpan, "A parka and snow pants. Did you have the meeting with your parents and the therapist?" 

"This is the phone equivalent of you slapping my hand away from your ass isn't it?"

"You get an A for reading subtext while under the influence. Now answer the question please." 

"Admit you want to kiss me."

"I always want to kiss you. I take it you're in a private room."

"Like Dad would have it any other way. I want to kiss you too."

"I gathered. Blaine?"

"Mmm?"

"I was really scared about what was going to happen today. I know they have you all doped up but can you please try to focus and tell me what happened at the meeting with your parents?"

"I hope it didn't ruin your first day in New York. First tell me things were okay with your Grandma, and then I'll tell you the whole thing."

"She's fantastic and so far it's been more than I could hope for. I'll tell you later, please now, Blaine, what happened?"

"So Mom didn't come. Dad said she was feeling 'under the weather'."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, that makes me a little worried, but she probably was passed out when he left and he was too embarrassed to show up with her lit. So the doctor tells me as soon as I come in that I'm being released so I can go to this rehab to relearn to walk."

"Hooray."

"You'd think but I kind of panicked. I know they stuck me there under false pretenses but it was starting to feel like I was getting something out of it."

"Did you tell them that?"

"I asked if I could keep seeing the therapist. My Dad almost fell out of his chair. He said of course I could, I think at that point he thought they were talking me out of the whole 'gay' thing and I was starting to see the light. Then the doc tells dad that we need to discuss my relationship with you.

I could visibly see Dad stiffen. He was completely not open to the discussion but the doc really stepped up. He gave Dad some literature about it not being a choice and said that we've talked about this at length and he feels like our relationship is as healthy as any teen relationship. He did say that I might depend on you too much because I don't feel like I have family support. Dad kind of balked at that but didn't say a word. The doctor told him he thought cutting off contact between us would only make us sneak to see each other which would bond us closer together. He's still not thrilled with the idea of us, but he did say we could talk on the phone. When I told him you were in New York he first wanted to know how I might know that, I told him Thad told me on one of his visits, and then said that while you're there I can talk to you. When you come back we'll have another discussion about it. I think it was his way of saying that as soon as he can he'll stop me from seeing that therapist and then try to stop me from talking to you again but for now I can call you as much as I want, and you can call me. I told him I wanted my cell back, he said he'd give it to me tomorrow, we'll see, in the meantime I can call all I want from my room"

"I tried to call you right back when you called before but you didn't answer."

"The phones don't ring in our rooms after 10pm but we can call out whenever. AND these phones aren't monitored AND I should be able to check email tomorrow so I better have something waiting for me if I can't talk you into phone sex."

"Is this what Percoset does to you? I might make a note for some day when you're bored with me."

"Never gonna happen baby. Who could get bored the way your eyes go almost colorless when you're going to cry, or the way you just your hip out when you're being flirty, or the sweet curve of your backside..."

"And we're done here."

"I'll stop. Kurt?"

"What?" his voice was flat, expecting another come on.

"What if you get bored with me?"

"Don't be stupid. You're a spotlight hog, but you're my spotlight hog. You need to go to sleep. I love you. I'll send you email. Call me whenever you want, text me when you get your phone."

"I love you. Promise me."

"I promise I love you."

"The other thing, promise me."

"Oh Blaine, there's not a single boy in Manhattan near as handsome as you, and you know how vain I am, I must have a very handsome boyfriend."

"Liar."

"Oh, I do lie, there was a very handsome waiter at lunch today, he practically tore my phone from my hands when he saw your picture. Wanted to know if this pretty thing was mine."

"All yours. Why were you showing pictures of me to waiters?" Blaine's voice was sleepy, he was going to drop off soon.

"Wasn't," Kurt curled onto his side ready to give in to his heavy lids himself, "showed your picture to my grandmother then was just scrolling through them when the waiter showed up."

"Grandma already knows about us?"

"Yes"

"How'd that go?"

"She told me we'd find our own time and place where we won't have to worry about your family or what anyone thinks. She also said that you would have been welcome to join me if she thought dad would have approved."

"Wow. Can your family adopt me?"

"Creepy, Blaine."

"Honey, can we just stay on the phone?"

"Okay, but behave because I'm going to put you on speakerphone so I don't roll over and hang up on you."

"Deal." 

They drifted off to sleep, each finally able to fully rest knowing the other was right there, reachable, if not touchable.

Around 3:30 Blaine woke to what sounded like the sound of sniffling. He looked around the darkened hospital room but heard nothing, then laid his head back on the phone, much as it hurt his ear. The sniffling was coming from Kurt.

"Baby? You okay?" he whispered into the receiver.

"Oh, oh, You're awake. Yeah, I'm fine. Go to sleep honey." Kurt wiped his eyes as if Blaine had walked in the door instead of coming to consciousness miles away.

"You're crying."

"It's fine."

"Talk to me."

Kurt took the phone off of speaker and held it to his ear. "I was just, tonight my Grandmother showed me some family home movies she had transferred to dvd before she moved."

"And it was hard to see your mom?"

"I thought I remembered her. I could close my eyes and see her, but what I see are pictures I have, not her. I don't really remember her, moving and breathing. She didn't really look like what I thought she did."

"I bet she was beautiful."

"She was, and comical. So full of life. Blaine, I wish I could have known her, she seems so… I can't find a better word than alive and I know how trite that sounds when she's dead but I mean,"

"Vital?"

"Yes. I love my dad but he's the kind of guy who gets from day to day thinking about what he needs to do, how to pay the bills, keep the family together, keep the business running. Mom just seems to laugh and dance and ENJOY things more. She's like a light, you can't keep your eyes off of her."

"I'm sorry you didn't get more time with her, but now I know why you remind everyone of her so much."

"You always know what to say. Now that you're not all hopped up on painkillers you want to tell me how you felt about what happened today, minus the sex talk?"

"That had nothing to do with the meds. I just…" Blaine when quiet a few seconds, Kurt almost thought they'd lost the connection but then he began again, "Kurt, I miss you. I miss just sitting close to you, feeling you next to me, or your head on my shoulder, I miss holding your hand. I miss being able to look in your eyes and find my balance, but if I think about those things I'll go out of my mind. I'll start crying and I'm afraid I won't stop, so instead of telling you I want to curl up and watch a movie with you, or feel you stroking my arm the way you do when you're reading next to me I try to tell you how much I miss you by telling you how much I want you."

Tears pricked again at the backs of Kurt's eyes and he had to wait a minute or two before he could respond. "Most of all I miss being able to just look in your eyes and see how much you love me. I know it hasn't been that long, but I got used to having that every day. I miss being your little spoon, feeling protected and safe next to you, not because I can't stand up for myself but because I know you WANT to be the one slaying dragons for me. When we were watching those dvd's tonight I actually ached to feel your arms around me."

"I told my father, he drove me to the rehab and I figured the hell with it, it's just the two of us in the car, there's no one for him to pretend for, so I told him I was sorry that he walked in on us, that I knew it was inappropriate for us to be doing that in his house. I told him that I knew he didn't understand it, but that I love you and that despite what he saw what we have isn't about sex."

"Did he respond?"

"He told me he thinks maybe I love you more than he ever loved mom."

Kurt's heart swelled then shattered with what this meant. "Oh Blaine."

"He told me he hated that I'm gay, he finally just came out and said it. He said it ruined so much of what he wanted for me. I tried to make him tell me what it changed, and why he was so angry. He said if I'd had a better mother maybe I wouldn't hate women."

"Honey why didn't you tell me all of this earlier?"

"I was too fuzzy and didn't want to get into then."

"Kurt? Is everything alright?" His grandmother had knocked and called through the door.

He answered her, "Yes Gran, you can come in." then returned to talking to Blaine, "I think I woke my grandmother. Hang on just a second Honey."

She entered, "I just thought I heard you talking, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, its okay, I'm talking to Blaine."

She lifted her voiced in the direction of his phone, "Hello Blaine Darling!" then lowered her voice to Kurt, "Is he okay?"

Kurt shrugged, "Tough day."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No Gran, I'm fine, thank you though."

"Then I'll leave you to your conversation."

When Kurt returned to the phone Blaine was gushing, "Aww, Kurt, she sounds so sweet."

"She is, she's wonderful. What did you say to your dad after that?"

"I told him of course I didn't hate women and asked him if he would read the literature the doctor gave him. He said he'd think about it. Do you know why he let you come take care of me at the house for so long? It was your dad. He said he was surprised at how your father came and stayed when I was in the hospital. He said that really made him think about things, about what we meant to one another and that it might be about more than just sex. That was the first time he'd actually thought that my sexuality might be about more than fucking, that's what he said."

"But then why did he put you in that place?"

"He snapped when he saw us…well, saw us. He needed that to stop, for it to just not be true. He assumed it had been going on all along and that he was right in the first place. I told him that was the first time we'd done more than kiss, tried to tell him how special it had been, how you took care of me but he didn't want too much detail. Thing is he let me talk, he let me tell him how I felt, and what it meant to have my first time and your first time be together and after we'd gotten so close and taken things so slow. He listened without losing his temper, without telling me I was disgusting. I hate to hope Kurt, because tomorrow he could come in and tell me that I'm an abomination and he's never going to accept me, but in the car, when it was just us, I kinda felt like he wanted to try."


	4. Chapter 4

The sunlight was brutal. Kurt moaned realizing he'd forgotten to shut the shades the night before and was now being blinded. He liked dark cave type sleeping arrangements, having gotten used to sleeping in the basement for so long.

He rolled over and groaned when he knocked his phone onto the floor, then quickly snatched it up, remembering why it had been on his bed. "Babe?" he spoke into it, but then realized Blaine had disconnected. Judging by the time they'd probably come to take him for physical therapy.

He was awake now; thinking about all of the things they had talked about the night before, focusing mostly on Mr. Anderson's apparent change of heart. It felt too easy and that left an uncomfortable twist in Kurt's stomach. He decided to go make some coffee and if he grandmother was still asleep come back and send an email off to Blaine.

"Good morning sweetheart." Not only was his grandmother awake, she was dressed and looking ready to leave the house. "I've made coffee and there's Danish in the pastry bin."

"Good morning. You look like you're going out." Kurt filled a cup, considered cream then remembered how much he'd eaten the day before and decided black was better, and there was no way he'd be eating a Danish.

"I am, I walk with some friends each morning. I'd have invited you along but I know you were up late talking to Blaine so I thought I'd let you sleep in. Is he going to be alright?"

"I hope so. I don't want to make you late to meet your friends, we can talk later."

She studied him a moment and relented, "No worries, I'll go now, you take your time this morning. Do you know your way to Central Park from here?"

Kurt didn't know his way to anywhere from there, so his grandmother left him some money and told him that if he wanted the door man would get him a cab that would bring him to Central Park. It was a beautiful day and he should probably start roaming the city on his own a little to get his bearings.

Kurt showered, dressed, checked his phone to see if there was any sign of Blaine and when there wasn't decided he'd send email from the park, along with some photos. He took a picture of his room, of the building he was staying in, and pictures out of the taxi window that were slightly blurred but still would give Blaine a feeling of being there with him. At the park he took a few pictures of the people, the trees, a particularly pretty bridge and then settled in a shady area to send the email.

"Hi Love, I hope you have your phone back already. If you do send me pictures of your room, I want to be able to picture where you are. I'm sending you some pictures of where I'm staying and then of my cab ride to Central Park and now I'm sitting in Central Park writing to you. This is what it looks like where I am right now. I feel like all I ever say is how much I wish you were here with me but everything is bhetter when I share it with you. I'm so excited for this opportunity to connect with my grandmother, my mother and even this city but I feel like a part of me is back home with you.

You're better at expressing these things than I am, even though you say you aren't, but I hope you know I'm yours. It hurts me when you ask again and again if I'm going to find someone else because there couldn't be anyone else. Only you. I mean that when I say it, and I hope you mean it when you say it to me. Oh, this was supposed to be sexy but this is so much more important than that. I hope your father is truly ready to start accepting who you are but whether he does or doesn't, in the end all that matters is that YOU accept who you are, and don't let anyone tell you that you're anything less than everything. When we first met I thought you were perfect, everything I wanted to be. I know better now, no one is perfect, and I don't want to be you, I want to be WITH you because while you aren't perfect you're perfect for me."

Kurt sat back, tears in his eyes. He wanted to erase the email and start over but didn't. Instead of hitting send he saved the email as a draft and went back to read the last email Blaine had sent to him, the steamy email that he had promised a response to. Just reading it made his pulse quicken and the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He wanted to do the same for the guy who could turn his knees to jelly so easily but everything he started to write in his head sounded so cheesy. He closed his eyes and pictured Blaine there next to him in the park, thought of what they'd do if they were here together then grabbed his phone and started to type.

"You're mouth is the perfect shape for mine, I love the way you make me moan just with a kiss. I wish you were here next to me in the grass so I could run my fingers across your stomach and watch the way it makes you shudder with delight. My mind plays again and again the image of you on your back, watching the stars in the moonlight, your throat irresistible, I had to stop myself from biting so hard I'd break skin and leave you bleeding onto my lips.

I'm trying but I can't do this. I can't type the words the way you do. It's not that I'm afraid anymore, I'm not. I'm not embarrassed or timid or ashamed. I want you, I want to do things to you that would make whores blush and maybe after I've done them I'll want the words but right now every time I try to say it, or write it I feel like I'm writing a script for us. I don't want a script; I just want you and me, sweaty, messy and tangled together. Sealed to one another, unbreakable."

His fingers shook as he unleashed things he'd held onto; that he hadn't thought Blaine was ready to hear before.

"I hate to disappoint you because I know what you wanted this email to be, but I know you love me and could never really be disappointed with me. Instead I want to tell you something we haven't talked about. The night of the accident, riding out to find you, I thought I'd black out, I was dizzy and sick and terrified but I knew I had to hold on because I had to get to you.

When we saw your car I ran down the hill and you and you looked like you were dead and I turned and vomited because I could not, in that moment, find a way to continue to function. I couldn't trust my body to do another thing if yours was gone because without you I'm breathless, bloodless, soulless, and heartless. I knelt beside your car and threw up and shook and went completely ice cold until I heard you draw a breath. It was the tiniest sound, rasping but beautiful and I was suddenly alive again, I could move mountains, I would carry you and the truck to the hospital on my back if it meant not losing you. I found my strength, running deeper than I ever thought it could, because I had to, because there was nothing I wouldn't risk to hold on to you, to us.

I never told you but I was outside the room, and I heard what your father said about the boy that died. I wanted to claw him to pieces. I kept my mouth shut because I knew you couldn't talk about it then, but I hope you did while you had that therapist, or I hope you do. I will never forgive him for making you feel like you don't deserve to live. Never. I'll respect your desire to make things right with him, and I'll be respectful of him to keep the peace and make it easier to have him in your life if that's what you want but I promise you Blaine Anderson if that man ever says or does anything like that again I will take you so far away they will never find us because there is NO EXCUSE for that. If he cannot see the amazing man you are despite the complete lack of a role model in your life for manhood then that is his problem and his alone. You are more of man, more of a human being than he'll ever know how to be."

Kurt's anger was boiling over; his thumbs were flying across the keyboard.

"It's probably not fair that all of this is in an email but if I try to say it to you in person and you defend what he did I just don't think I can take it. A man should want his own son to live, no matter what. I know there's a part of you that's afraid that you're like him but I promise you my darling you are not. You are reasonable, open and loving. You are helpful, kind and strong. When you look at me I know that there is nothing I could do that would make you dismiss how I feel or ignore me if I should embarrass you.

I know this is a lot, but it's been on my mind for some time and I want you to be sure, to know that while we are apart my heart is still with you. If you want to talk about any of this just say so, I won't bring it up. If you'd rather email about it that's okay too. If you don't want to, or aren't ready to that's alright but please promise me you'll try to talk to the doctor about it Baby because no one deserves what you've been through and I don't know how to make you trust my love when you've been taught that love is conditional.

The short version of all of this? I'm crazy about you and I can't wait to spend our lives together."

Send was pressed before he could lose his nerve then Kurt got up and started walking aimlessly. He found an exit from the park that brought him near Lincoln Center so he walked there and took a picture of it to send to Rachel to remind her of when they were there together.

With one eye on his gps trying to make his way toward home he jumped when he got a text.

Blaine: Are you busy?

Kurt: Of course not.

The phone rang and he answered immediately, "You hung up on me."

"You were snoring and Dad showed up early WITH the psychiatrist."

Kurt dropped onto the stairs of a nearby building, "You're joking."

"Nope."

"Well, you have your phone so it couldn't have been terrible. Tell me what happened."

"First, I read your email."

"Already? I just sent it."

"And I read it. I…I love you. I don't even know how else to, Kurt, you don't even know, I needed to know all of those things, mostly I needed to know how much it hurt you when I ask you to reassure me. I don't mean to hurt you, you absolutely show me how much you love me all the time, I just, I feel like I'm not who I was, and that you loved him, not…this."

"I love all of you Blaine. All. Of . You."

"I get that now, and yes, of course I mean it when I say it to you. As far as my Dad and what he said to me, I think what we talked about today might clear some of that up. It won't excuse it, but it may explain his state of mind."

"I'm sitting on the street. It's loud here and I want to hear every word you have to say. Let me get a cab and then I can make my way home and hear you."

Apparently hailing a cab in the city required tricks Kurt had not yet mastered. Blaine suggested he find a nearby hotel where the concierge might get a cab for him. This turned out to be an invaluable trick Kurt would use many times.

Once settled into the back of the cab he gave Blaine the go ahead to tell his story.

"Dad and the therapist come to my room and I'm sleeping with the phone cradled next to my head. I figure Dad's going to blow his top but instead he asks if I can talk to you later and when I try to wake you and can't he takes the phone from me and hangs it up, but like, really nicely if that makes sense."

"Okay. So no top blowing, good start."

"Very. Then the therapist asks Dad to step out for a moment and he does, no looks, nothing. When we're alone Dr. Case tells me that Dad called his office early in the morning and said that he read the pamphlets and that we had a conversation in the car that he'd like to continue but he felt like he needed a third party there to keep him on track and help me to process things from my father's side."

"I don't even know how to feel about this, I mean, good for him this sounds like he's trying and actually willing to accept that he needs help but I just don't want to hear his side, I want him to tell you he's wrong and he's sorry and I don't even know what else he could say that would make up for what he's put you through."

"Honey, take a breath. I appreciate your taking up your sword for me, I do, but he has to start somewhere right?"

"I suppose. Okay, go on." Kurt tried to watch the scenery passing by so he could find his way around but it was too tempting to just concentrate all of his energy on Blaine's voice.

"The doctor said that Dad wanted him to ask me if I was open to honest discussion with a mediator or if I just didn't want to hear what he wanted to say. My Dad has never waited to see if I wanted to hear what he was saying, he just said it. Dr. Case asked me to get dressed, he said that I'd feel less like a patient and more like a person having a conversation if I were in my regular clothes, then we met in a little office.

Dad looked like he hadn't slept much, he looked like crap. You could tell he was uncomfortable, he didn't know where to look. The first thing he did was give me my phone back; it felt like a peace offering. He told me he thought he was doing the right thing taking it but he could see now that it only made everything worse. The doctor said that Dad wanted to tell me about the night I was in the accident from his side, because we never talked about that.

It turns out when the police called him they had found the other car, not the guy who hit me, but the other car he'd hit, with the dead kid. They called him and said that your father had found my truck and that you were with me in the ambulance.

He thought you and I were together during the accident, thought we hit that other car and killed that boy, and he thought for certain it was because you were, as he put it, "servicing" me while I was driving and that we were probably drunk."

"But we'd never..."

"We know that, but he didn't, not until last night when I told him what he'd walked in on was our first time. He still somehow thought that you'd been with me in the car and even when he found out it wasn't me who hit that other car he thought I wasn't paying attention when the accident happened because we were being 'inappropriate.'".

Kurt asked Blaine to wait while he paid the cabby and went into his grandmother's building. She had been home and had left him a note saying she hoped he was having a good time and if he was home in time he should meet her after her hair appointment and left an address. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge then curled onto the couch. "I wasn't even with you, and even if I was we wouldn't have been doing THAT while you were driving. We're not stupid."

"Actually Honey, I probably could have been paying better attention. Do you remember what we were talking about when the accident happened?"

Kurt didn't. He only remembered the panic of losing Blaine at the other end of the phone.

"We were talking about getting excited when we kiss."

And the entire embarrassing conversation came flooding back to Kurt, it seemed like another lifetime. "I remember. Can we not relive that please?"

"No, no need to go back to that, but the point is, the thought of you, in that situation had me, lets just say not concentrating on the road."

"Wait, are you saying you were…while you were driving?"

"No, I wasn't…doing anything about it; I was just uncomfortable let's say. So when dad told me what he thought I had to admit to myself that he was wrong, but not completely."

Kurt buried his face in his arm, "Tell me you didn't tell your father this."

"No, of course not, who would tell their father they were driving around with a hard on because their boyfriend finally admitted to getting excited when you make out? Who does that?"

"Okay, okay, so anyway, Back to the meeting…"

"You're so cute when you don't want to talk about something. So Dad said what he did about my being the one who should have died because he thought I killed a kid while we were having car sex. Then even after he found out I didn't hit the other car he still thought you were with me, distracting me so he blamed you for the accident. I think he just wanted to believe that his perfect son couldn't be in any way liable. So when he walked in on us it all just became too much, like we hadn't learned our lesson about what can happen when we don't control ourselves. I'm not explaining this all that well, I took a pain killer before I called you because they have me walking so much.

The important thing is he wanted me to see why he was so upset and he was shocked when he learned that you weren't with me in the car and that what he walked in on was our first time. "

"Why now? Why is he only starting to be interested in your side of things now? He had all that time that you were lying in bed under the same roof as he was."

"I asked that. I told him I didn't want to ruin the way things were going but I had to know what changed, why he was suddenly willing to even hear me and that's when he dropped the big bomb."

Kurt sat up, "Big Bomb?"

"Mom left him when he put me in the mental hospital. She told him that until he repaired our relationship she couldn't stand to look at him."

"Oh honey…this is amazing."

"It is, it's huge, do you realize? She never stood up to him for herself but she did for me. She finally walked out on him and it wasn't because he wrecked her life, it was to stop him from making more of a wreck of mine."

Kurt's voice got quiet, "It means more than that though doesn't it?"

Blaine started to cry, "It means he loves her enough to try with me. I never believed he loved her at all, but he has to, doesn't he, to swallow his pride and open himself like this for her?"

"Yes, my love, it does."


	5. Chapter 5

After only a few days in the city Kurt felt like he had a basic understanding of how to get where he wanted to go. He wasn't about to brave the subway on his own yet, but he preferred walking the streets anyway. You never knew what you'd find.

There was a small place about a block from where he was staying that was essentially a Vietnamese restaurant (more like a luncheonette, nothing fancy). Initially drawn in by the smell of something delicious Kurt became a regular in the mornings. Song, the owner/chef loved cooking for Kurt who had a curious palate, always interested in trying whatever was put on his plate. It became routine, Kurt and his grandmother would have morning coffee, decide what they wanted to do with the day then walk together to the restaurant. Here his grandmother would splinter off to meet her friends for their walk, or mah johng and he would eat whatever Song could think of to cook for him. Kurt loved the stories Song told about the different people who came and went in the restaurant. Encouraging Song to tell more and more stories, he would listen and picture how his life would look when he was a part of the city for real. Sometimes he'd sit and imagine Blaine laughing with friends at the table by the window, or studying lines, a slight furrow to his brow as he worked to decipher the deeper meaning of a part he was auditioning for.

Song enjoyed Kurt's company. He loved his enthusiasm for new things and Kurt's reports on each new discovery he'd make when he'd strike out into the city alone, or with his grandmother. After a week of Kurt watching Song prepare meals the older man motioned for him to come behind the counter. "You like this the best." He referred to the dish he'd made for Kurt that morning, something Kurt couldn't pronounce and didn't care at all. It was delicious and he told Song again and again that it was the best thing he'd tasted in New York. "I'll teach you to make it for your boyfriend when you go home."

After that Song showed Kurt how to make all sorts of dishes, Kurt even hopping behind the counter to help out when Song would run to the bank or upstairs to tend to his pregnant wife when she was ill.

His afternoons were constantly changing. Sometimes he and his grandmother would shop, or aimlessly wander. They visited museums and art exhibitions and rode the hop on hop off tourist buses to Chinatown or the Circle Line around the Bay. At night they saw shows, Broadway, off Broadway and more.

The ends of his nights were unfailingly the same. He and Blaine were on the phone, sharing their day. Some nights Blaine didn't seem to say much and Kurt put that down to him being stuck at the rehab hospital and not having much going on day in and out, but other nights he was animated and full of news about his progress, his father and updates on his mother.

"Tonight was Spiderman right?" Blaine asked.

"It was, the theater was across from the Ripley's Museum, Gran almost dragged me in but I deflected, thank God."

"Oh, I don't know Honey, I think it could be fun."

"Maybe with you, probably not though. It's all just creepy."

"So, go ahead, what was the theater like?"

"I don't love the Foxwoods. The foyer beats the dark alley feel of the Hirschfeld but once you're inside it's just…I don't know, disappointing. It didn't feel any different than the auditorium at McKinley."

"Where were your seats?" Blaine would close his eyes and picture everything Kurt explained.

"Center orchestra, about 22 rows back, any closer and you'd never know what the hell was going on because there was so much stuff up in the air."

"On stage? Like Peter Pan?"

"That and over the audience. And those unitards leave nothing to the imagination, I can't even think about flying over an audience with my junk dangling down threatening to take someone's eye out."

"Thank you for the image, I'll be filing that away for later."

"Don't be gross. Anyway, the design was ingenious, even if the plot was thin and hackneyed. "

"That's disappointing; I kind of wanted it to be great. Wasn't there any part you liked?"

"Arachne, the mortal weaver who was turned into a spider by an angry god was spellbinding. She never touched the ground; she weaved these patterns that fell in ribbons with dancers attached. When she turned into a spider she was mesmerizing, such a beautiful costume and her voice was hauntingly beautiful. I'm ripping the cd now so I can send you the music."

"Cool, are you thinking of doing something of Arachne's for glee club?"

"I don't know, maybe, but there's a duet I want you to hear, I really want to sing with you."

"If you hadn't deserted me at school we could have done it in a show."

"I've been thinking about that." Kurt laid on his side and chewed on his bottom lip.

Blaine's voice was more excited than Kurt had heard in awhile. "About coming back to me and the Warblers?"

"Not exactly, and I didn't leave you, I left the school. What would you think about coming to McKinley?"

Blaine was quiet for a minute and Kurt panicked, "No, never mind. I was just…forget it."

"Calm down, I'm just thinking. I don't know. I mean, the Warblers are my friends and they depend on me. And besides, Dad's making progress but I don't know if he's going to go for taking me out of Dalton to follow you to McKinley."

Kurt shut down a little, Blaine could hear it in his voice. "No, you're right. Never mind. Why would you leave Dalton? Or your friends. Look I'm really beat, I'm going to go to bed. I'll send you the music in the morning okay?"

"Kurt, stop it. I didn't say no, and you left Dalton because you missed YOUR friends, you know how much they meant to you, my friends mean something to me too. I'll think about it, I'll talk to my Dad about it next session okay?"

"You don't have to. It's fine. What did you do today?"

Blaine sighed heavily. "Babe? What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. Why does something have to be going on? I just thought it would be fun if we could spend more time together but if you don't want to I'm not going to force you."

"See? You're being passive aggressive and I know you know you're twisting things just to be unreasonable, and if you say 'if I'm so unreasonable you don't have to talk to me' I swear I'll leave this hospital tonight, fly to New York and tickle you."

"I hate being tickled."

"Yes, you do, and I'm excellent at it, as you well know, so let's get down to why you're upset."

Kurt put the phone on speaker and rolled to his stomach, his head on his arms. "I just miss you so much, and when I get home we'll already be starting school and we'll only have weekends, IF our parents decide we can see each other at all."

"And after school."

"I'm going to have to get a job after school I think. I don't know. Dad hasn't said anything but I know he wants me to do something other than…well, you. Besides, if we're going to be living in the city we need to have some kind of work experience, it's not like we're going to get jobs on Broadway first day out."

"I really am going to talk to Dad about McKinley, it's only fair, you tried Dalton, I should try your school, and besides then I'll be around if Karofsky decides to start with you again."

"He won't. I know it. He's really sorry."

"Fine, but he wasn't the only one."

"Honey I don't want you there to fight my battles, just to be my boyfriend."

"I'm that no matter where I am. You know I miss you too, but you seem sadder tonight than you have been since you left. Did something happen?"

Kurt knew they'd get there eventually. He wasn't looking forward to it. "So you know Madison?"

"Your grandmother's friend's granddaughter, the one that wants to be a model."

"The closet puker, yeah. She came to Spiderman tonight and after dinner asked me if I wanted to go hang out with some of her friends. I figured maybe one of them would be slightly less vapid and maybe I'd find someone under 80 to hang out with so I went."

"Good, you need to meet some people to see the city with."

"Yeah. You'd think. Anyway we met her friends at some club."

"Club? How did you get in?"

"They didn't even check, they knew her and just assumed I was part of the modeling agency I guess. The place was packed with models. I've never seen so much smoke in one place before."

"Did you dance, was the music good?"

"I , the music was mostly loud. I did dance, briefly."

"Briefly?"

"So this friend of Madison's seemed pretty nice and friendly and all and he works at one of the theaters in town, just doing sets and stuff, but still. We talked for a little while and he asked me to dance so we did but then…"

Blaine's voice was tight, "Then?"

"Then he got a little close."

"Dancing in a crowded room close?"

"Not really."

"Kurt."

"He tried to kiss me." Kurt buried his face against the pillow.

"Tried? What does that mean?"

"He was more drunk than I thought he was I guess, and we were just dancing around and he started dancing behind me a little closer than I was comfortable with so I spun around to just kind of dance back away from him but before I could back up his lips were on my face."

"Did you happen to mention that you had a boyfriend?"

"Are you blaming me for this?"

"No." Blaine's voice was scary calm. "I'm just trying to decide whether he was just some guy you met who couldn't resist how gorgeous you are and didn't realize you were off the market, or if he was a complete ass who knew you were taken and tried to kiss you anyway."

"He knew."

"As in, before you got on the dance floor you told him you have a boyfriend and that meant nothing to him."

"Yeah, when he told me what he did I told him that my boyfriend and I were going to be moving to New York and studying performance and hoping to be on Broadway one day. But it was loud, I mean, maybe he didn't hear the boyfriend part, Blaine, I don't know. Are you mad?"

"At you? No. But I want to punch something. I hate the thought of anyone doing that I mean, you didn't want him to kiss you right?"

'NO! Blaine, no."

"Why does everyone think they can just, USE you, Karofsky, now this guy, it needs to stop."

"It wasn't the same, he wasn't abusive about it, he was just coming on to me, drunk and being sloppy. I didn't feel violated after like I did with Dave."

"How DID you feel?" 

"I missed you. I missed the way we kiss, I missed being able to look across the room and know that my other half is there, looking back." He was crying, he didn't want Blaine to hear it, but he was.

Blaine shook his head and closed his eyes, "I'm going to find a way, I'll come to McKinley."

"You don't have to, honestly, I know the Warblers mean a lot to you, I was just missing you so much, missing us. Mini crisis, that's all. I was just hoping to have someone to talk to here."

"We'll talk about the transfer later. What happened after he tried to kiss you?"

"I reminded him that I had a boyfriend, he said, 'me too, I don't see either of them here' which was just so gross, so I told him I actually loved my boyfriend (Blaine made an awww noise here and said "love you too" but Kurt carried on) and that he should respect that. Then I told Madison that I was leaving and she told me not to be such a baby. You ask me hanging out getting wasted in some club and making out with other people's boyfriends is NOT a sign of maturity, which I would have told her if I thought she understood polysyllabic words, but instead I just turned and left."

Blaine had to smile, THIS was his Kurt. "Baby, I love you."

"You know what I've been thinking?"

"Could be anything with you."

"I really loved Arachne's costume, and I kept thinking how Spiderman's outfit could be so much more flattering."

"Um, Okay."

"What if I studied fashion design as a back up to performance? I think I'd really like doing costumes for shows."

"Because you want to? Or because you're getting scared that you might not be good enough for Broadway?"

"There aren't a lot of parts for guys like me, I know that, I'm not saying I won't try and maybe at some point I'll even write a show I can do, that we both can do, but I'm good at fashion and it seems to be what I notice at every show I go to. Why not add it to what I do?"

"You are good at it, and you know I'll support whatever you want to do, I just want to make sure you aren't holding back on what you really want because when you sing Kurt, you're amazing."

"Thank you Mon Ami." They were both quiet for a few minutes, and then Kurt pulled his quilt up over his shoulders. "Blaine?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

"You too, Beautiful Boy."

"Do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Will you sing to me, like, until I fall asleep? I just miss you so much."

"Of course. What song?"

"You pick."

"Okay. Do you want me to hang up when you're asleep or do you want to stay on the phone?"

"You can hang up if you want to."

"And if I don't want to?"

Kurt smiled to himself "Then I'll listen to you talk in your sleep."

"Let me know if I say anything sexy."

"Sing Blaine." Blaine didn't need video chat to know Kurt was rolling his eyes at him.

So he did. He didn't need to think of a song, it was right there, in the back of his mind since the moment Kurt had said someone else had tried to kiss him. The twisting knife of panic in his stomach, the fear of losing Kurt to some experienced New York guy had been eating at him since the day the love of his life got on a plane.

He sang God Only Knows by the Beach Boys. Kurt hadn't heard it before, he stuck closely to show tunes, but it broke his heart. He didn't let Blaine finish, "Honey? Please stop. I'm never leaving you. It's not going to happen. Should I have not told you about tonight?"

"Of course you needed to tell me. I mean, you didn't have to, not telling me wouldn't have been like cheating or anything, I'm just saying I know it upset you and you can tell me anything that you need to talk about."

"You're not going to sleep tonight are you?"

"Not without drugs, no."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You can't help it that you're handsome, funny, and perfect. I just have to learn to deal with the fact that guys are always going to be hitting on you. I'm never going to like it, but I'm going to have to deal with it."

"But you also have to remember that it doesn't matter who hits on me because none of them are you, and you are all I want. Never mind singing, tell me a story."

"Where do you want to go?"

Kurt thought for a minute, "Wherever you are."

The last thought Kurt had before drifting off to sleep was how lucky their future children would be that Daddy Blaine was so adept at bedtime stories that were both fascinating and soothing enough to send you softly into slumber with the sweetest of dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt woke up to voices, distant male voices. Taking his phone off speaker he pressed it hard to his ear. He could hear Blaine screaming at someone but couldn't make out the words. He'd never heard Blaine lose his cool like this before, never heard him really scream at someone. He didn't sound scared or hurt, he sounded angry, belligerent. Kurt tried calling to him, yelling his name into the phone but to no avail.

The sound of his voice brought his grandmother to the door. "Kurt dear? Are you alright?"

"Come in." Afraid to lose the connection he didn't want to hang up and redial - what if Blaine didn't pick up the phone?

He explained to his grandmother and she slipped out of the room, returning with her own

cell phone and handed it to him. "Try him from mine. Leave yours open."

"He won't notice the beep with my line still open. BLAINE!" He continued trying to get Blaine to pay attention.

His grandmother sighed, "Kurt. Tell me the number to his room."

"Oh. Right." Kurt searched the number in his phone and read it off to his grandmother.

She dialed but when Kurt reached for the phone she held up a single finger, keeping the phone to her ear. "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong room, I'm looking for Blaine Anderson." She winked at Kurt.

"Hel…hello?" Blaine sounded thrown off.

"It's Kurt's grandmother, hold on to talk to him darling." She passed the phone to her grandson.

Kurt mouthed thanks to his grandmother as she slipped out, closing the door behind her. "Baby?"

He heard Blaine blow out a breath he'd been holding. "Thank God! Somebody sane."

"I can hear you on my cellphone, are you okay?"

"Well of course you can hear me on your cell phone…wait why did your grandmother call me?"

Your cell is on; you're still on the phone with me from last night. I'm talking to you from my Gran's cell. Why are you yelling?"

"I'm not yelling."

"Before, I could hear you, you sounded pissed."

"Oh THAT. These assholes won't give me my medication. Fucktards tell me I don't need it like I don't know when I'm in pain."

Kurt bit his lip. This was not his Blaine. He didn't swear, he didn't use any form of the word retard, and even his tone was laced with acid. "Hey Blaine?"

But Blaine was yelling again, arguing with whoever was in the room that he had certainly NOT already taken his pain meds today and he didn't care what that lying shit stain med nurse said.

"Babe. BABE!"

"Huh, oh, Kurt, tell them to give me my fucking pills will you?"

"Honey, try to focus for a minute. Have they changed your medication at all?"

"Oh so you're on their side now? Fuck you Kurt. I don't need this shit from you. Go make out with some more New York dudes."

And he hung up the phone.

Kurt picked up his cell and heard Blaine throwing everyone out of his room before the line went dead. He sat shaking for a minute, on the verge of tears, then hit speed dial 2 on his phone.

"Hello?"

"Carole, hi. It's Kurt, is my dad around?"

"Sure thing. How's New York? Are you having a good time?"

"Great. Carole I don't mean to be rude but I really need to speak to my dad."

"Okay honey, I'm bringing him the phone right now, he's out in the garage."

"Thanks."

"Hey Kurt! How're things in the Big Apple?"

"Dad, I need your help. " He'd told his father everything about seeing and speaking to Blaine after his talk with his grandmother. Burt had been understanding but firm about this being the end of the lies.

"What's wrong son?"

"There's something really wrong with Blaine. I need you to go to his rehab and check on him. Please Dad."

"Calm down and tell me what's going on."

Kurt gave his father the basics of the conversation and how unlike Blaine all of this was. He could hear, or maybe just knew his father well enough to imagine he could hear as his dad took off his hat, rubbed his hand over his face and replaced it.

"Buddy, Blaine's been through a lot in the past month or so. You're going to have to expect some outbursts. Give him some slack."

"You don't understand, this wasn't normal aggravation, he was out of control."

"I'll make you a deal; I'll call his dad and find out if he'd mind my paying Blaine a visit. If he says its okay I'll go see him tomorrow, but if he would prefer I don't I'm going to have to respect that Kurt."

"Can't you do it today? Dad I'm really worried about him."

"Not today. I have too much going on at the shop. Tomorrow, Kurt. He'll make it one more day. I'm sure he's just having a bad day. Why don't you wait a few hours and call him again."

Kurt thanked his dad, knowing he wasn't going to budge him and hung up the phone. He sent off a text message: MA: I love you. You're scaring me. Should I come home?

He stared expectantly at his phone for awhile, but no response came.

Giving up he headed to the shower, where his mind replayed everything Kurt had heard over the phone. This wasn't normal Blaine, but then, he hadn't been normal Blaine for awhile.

Medication. He wanted Kurt to help him get his pills. Thinking back it occurred to him that it was a rare conversation between them where Blaine had not mentioned pain pills, either taking or waiting for them.

His hands were shaking but he dialed anyway.

"Anderson Residence" it was a gruff voice on the other end of the phone and Kurt nearly hung up, but he didn't. He heard Blaine's voice in his head, angry and demanding.

"Mr. Anderson? It's Kurt…Hummel. I need to speak to you about Blaine."

There was silence for a moment and Kurt was concerned that he was about to be hung up on but then, "Can you hold please?"

"Sure." His throat was dry and the word came out like a croak.

A few moments later Mr. Anderson was back on the line. "Kurt if you're calling to ask me about seeing Blaine when you get home I haven't made that decision yet."

"No, Sir. I'm calling because I know that you and Blaine are working on your relationship and I'm worried about him. I spoke to him this morning and he was not himself. I'm afraid he may be depending too much on his painkillers."

Again a few moments of silence.

"How long?"

"What?" Kurt wasn't ready for that. "Probably since I started speaking to him again."

Was it a trap? Blaine hadn't told his father that Kurt had been speaking to him when he was in the mental hospital, and Kurt didn't want to tip his hand. "Some friends that were visiting him when…when I couldn't, told me he was always on pain killers when they saw him. Today when I spoke to him on the phone he was not himself. He wanted me to convince them to give him his painkillers."

"Could it just be that all of the physical therapy is more painful than we realize?"

Kurt considered this but shook his head, "I don't know if it's too painful, but I know that he's using it to block emotional stuff. The more I think about it. I told him something that happened last night, something that upset me and it upset him too. I asked him if he was going to be able to sleep and he said, not without meds. I don't think that's okay. Today when I talked to him he was verbally abusive."

Kurt's voice went quiet; he knew this was dangerous ground because Mr. Anderson was verbally abusive and may not think it was a problem.

Still he added quietly, "He's never spoken to me that way before, and I hope he never does again. He needs someone to protect him. This is your chance."


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt expected his grandmother to have left for her morning walk without him but found her at the kitchen table with two cups of tea in front of her.

"No change. Won't take my calls, Dad said he refused his visit." His normally perfectly kept hair stood in every possible direction. The red in his eyes and dark circles beneath them were evidence of Kurt's long nights since he'd first alerted Mr. Anderson to Blaine's morning rage.

His grandmother patted his hand when he sat across from her, "He'll come around Darling, and at least he's getting help."

"It's been four days. What if he never forgives me?"

"Do you want to go home?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Because the boy you love is in pain and you want to be by his side? Never apologize for your love Kurt. Your mother would have done anything to get to your father if he'd been in trouble."

"I want you to know how much I appreciate your letting me come and showing me so much of this amazing city, and helping Mom come alive for me. I feel closer to her than I have since she died, I'm so grateful for that."

"We'll have plenty more time to see shows and explore our city together when you and Blaine move here. I'll keep a list of things to show you both."

"If he comes with me, if he ever speaks to me again, if I haven't ruined his trust in me forever." Kurt began to choke up. "I'm afraid to go back. I'm afraid to stay here. What if I pushed him further inside himself, what if I made it worse? I should have gone home when…I should have noticed sooner, he said so many things that I should have paid attention to but all I thought about was getting to New York."

"You're a bright, strong young man Kurt, but you aren't responsible for Blaine. He was surrounded by professionals who didn't see this coming. If you care for him as much I think you do the best gift you can give him right now is to not allow him to push you away, no matter how hard he tries. The trick will be to help Blaine find his way out of his pain without losing yourself. There's help out there, please seek it. No one can deal with these things on their own. I'm here for you, so are your father, your step mom and brother. Lean on us. If you want me to come to Ohio just say the word and I'll be on the next plane, if you'd rather talk to someone outside of the family you let me know, I'll pay for whatever help you need, but don't let this crush you."

Kurt stood to hug his grandmother then sat back across from her, meeting her gaze he asked something that had been on his mind since he arrived, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Dad doesn't talk about it much, but he told me that mom's sister, Aunt Tracy, is gay, and that the two of you don't speak. Why are you so accepting of me but not of her?"

His grandmother stood and went to the stove. She stayed with her back to him a few minutes, clearly gathering her thoughts then returned with the teapot in hand, refreshing both their cups before sitting down. "It wasn't my choice to stop speaking to your Aunt, and it had nothing to do with her sexuality. Tracy liking girls was something I knew when she was a child. That's why I get so angry when I hear people talk about it being a choice. Children don't choose sexuality."

"My dad said he knew I was gay when I was a kid too."

"It's who you are. You're Caucasian, you're stubborn, you're tall, and you're gay. No one of those things defines you, and none of them are a choice. When your mom and Tracy were little your mom would pick out cute boys in her class and tell me she loved them. She would have weddings for her dolls in dresses to her teddy bears in overalls. Tracy would have weddings for the dolls; she would tell me how one girl in her class had the prettiest hair she'd ever seen and how she wanted to hold her hand. When she got into junior high she dated boys but never seemed to like them as much as they liked her. By high school she stopped dating all together. I never said a word; I let her work things out for herself. In college she finally came out to you mother."

"What did Mom say?"

"She called me laughing, she said, 'Ma, guess what, Tra just told me water's wet.' I was confused and she said, "She's gay." Then I laughed too. It was like Tracy was the last to know. Now, your granddad refused to believe it. He said it was all the pot kids smoked, it was a phase, he just couldn't accept it, never really did. He still loved Tracy, that never changed, but he didn't know how to talk to her. When she was 24 she met a girl and they moved in together. They lived out in California and never visited together, I guess because she thought it would upset your granddad. She seemed to be so happy wit-this girl and I decided I'd go out and visit. I wanted to meet what amounted to my daughter-in-law, though they'd never allow them to marry then.

I spent a week out there and the night before I left I told Tracy that Marlene seemed like a wonderful girl, and I was happy for them, but that I thought she should be careful. Marlene seemed to not feel well most of the time I was there and back then everyone was just starting to talk about HIV and AIDS. Everybody was so afraid. Your aunt told me I was being ridiculous, that gay people got the sniffles too and they didn't carry the plague.

Seven months later she lost Marlene to the disease and I don't think she ever forgave me for seeing it when she didn't. She just pulled away from me completely. I tried to connect to her, still do now and then but I think I just represent that painful time to her now. I think it's best that I let her be, I always make sure she knows where I am, and that if she needs me, or wants to talk to me I'm here.

In some ways I think of you as my second chance with her and with your mother. I couldn't be there when your mother passed away, Tracy won't let me be there for her. It would mean the world to me if you'd let me be a part of your life. "

"You will always be a part of my life. Aunt Tracy doesn't know what she's missing. I told Blaine once how guilty I feel for having such a loving, accepting family when his just couldn't support him. "

"We're Blaine's family now too Kurt. He may not want us right now, but we care for him just the same. "

She called her travel agent, even though Kurt told her he could book his ticket home online in a matter of seconds online. She got him set up for a flight home that evening and called Burt to let him know when he could expect his son.

They spent their final day in the city visiting some of Kurt's favorite places, he made sure to take pictures of everything and buy little bits and bites that he could bring home to Blaine. He also made sure to grab a few souvenirs' for his family and of course something from Broadway for Rachel.

His grandmother rode to airport with him and hugged and kissed him at the security check point. "Keep me updated, and let me know when I can come hear you sing."

A few hours later when Burt met him with a bear hug at the luggage carousel Kurt was tired and single minded, "Take me to the hospital."

"Visiting hours are over Kurt, come home, unpack, unwind, we'll go over there in the morning."

"If you want just take me home, I'll get my car and go over myself."

"I know you're worried Son, but the rules are in place to keep Blaine on a schedule, they're important."

"Fine. Did you tell Mr. Anderson I was coming home?"

"I called him today. He said he hopes you can get him through to him because so far no one else has."

"Tomorrow morning then."

The night dragged. He was too distracted for all the questions about New York. He just wanted it to be the next morning.

When morning finally arrived the knot in Kurt's stomach was debilitating. He tried deep breathing but it didn't help. Acid bathed his stomach as he dressed. The 'what if's' were on repeat in his head. This wasn't supposed to be how his homecoming went. His plan had been to come home and sneak to Dalton, to be waiting in Blaine's room when he got back from class. Their reunion would have been magical and romantic. Now he may have lost him forever.


End file.
